She had learned many things. After all was said and done she hadn't wanted to learn any of it; most of the time she simply had no other choice. But no matter how much mental rearrangement she experienced - and it was a lot - she never lost the picture she had hung in the corner of her mind. The picture of the plains.

Even though she would make the trip, find her way slowly, painfully, and near the end of her journey arrive at a place better than she could have hoped for, she never cleaned her mental house completely; she always kept her picture of the plains.

Much of her outside life was cosmopolitan, intellectually stimulating and rewarding. Not just educated; smart. She found herself in Boston, New York, Munich and Aruba; it was language and letters, opera and plays and she participated as well as observed.

With her inside life she struggled. She faced psychologists,  psychiatrists, counselors and mental institutions, churches and assorted religious quests, child bearing and death. She bared her soul and her self to friends who were finally strangers, and lovers who finally left. After all the interplay, the tearful discussions, the arguments and displeasure and hurt she was left alone - so alone inside herself.

A woman of bearing and demeanor, at best she was perceived to be unapproachable; at worst she was beyond understanding. Even the most sensitive, well meaning and unselfish people who found her standing there before them were never sure what to do with this woman with a sometime far away look. Could she be as gentle and kind as she appeared? Not likely. A jaded world saw an act, a pose, or perhaps a defensive mechanism. Her true unhappiness began the day she finally believed what they saw. Denying the best part of herself, her core, she was then truly lost - and lost she would remain until she could find a way to believe in herself again.

During it all, though, be it late at night under a sky of stars or in the light of day close to some open space, she could catch a glimpse of herself in her picture of the plains.